Crystal Clear
by Simon Seville
Summary: After taking a 30 dollar bribe from Alvin, Simon finds himself alone with his thoughts at the biggest party of the year. With the help of a classmate, he is finally able to come to terms with his sexuality.


"One hour." Simon yelled over the obnoxious music that was blaring through the house. He saw Alvin wave his hand dismissively before disappearing into the mosh pit of people. Simon could feel himself scowl as he walked over to the least populated area of the house. He took the noise canceling headphones from around his neck and played some classical music in an attempt to tune out the rap.

The last thing he wanted to do was be at Seth Kandinsky's end-of-year ragger, but Alvin gave him $30 to drive him since he was the only one of his siblings to actually pass his driver's test. Normally he wouldn't have accepted bribes from Alvin, but he really wanted a new robotics kit. He was weak for science.

Simon glanced up from his phone and peered into the crowd of people. He had never seen so many drunk and horny teenagers in his life. Bodies pressed against each other, hips thrusting, lips colliding—they were really going at it.

He scanned the crowd looking for Alvin and saw him chatting up a girl he recognized from his history class. He let out a sigh. Alvin and Brittany were the most on again, off again couple ever. He stopped keeping up with them almost a year ago.

While the six of them were all still friends, they stopped hanging out consistently with each other after eighth grade. They all had different friend groups now. Jeanette was the only one of the Chipettes he talked to regularly, but he wasn't so sure that even that friendship was going to last.

A couple of months ago, she had asked him out. He said yes, but it didn't feel like it should have. The girl he had had a crush on for years was asking him out, yet he didn't feel anything. Everything about saying yes felt like running on autopilot as his extremities went numb, not with excitement, but with nerves.

To be honest, it had been a while since he had thought about Jeanette romantically; he kind of forgot he used to have feelings for her. Neither one of them made a move for so long; he kind of just moved on after sixth grade.

No one had really sparked his interest since then, and Alvin had teased him on multiple occasions, saying things like: "you're only turned on by math books." As annoying as it was, it did make him smile every now and then. There was nothing wrong with taking his studies seriously.

But, back to Jeanette. Their relation started out okay. Nothing about their friendship really changed except he would offer to hold her hand when they walked to class, or they would meet after school and go on "dates." This usually meant going to Starbucks to complete assignments together with one of them offering to pay after the study secession was over.

It was nice.

But it lacked romantic feelings—at least on his end it did. He assumed Jeanette was feeling something; her face lit up every time their hands brushed. But to him, everything they did was void of meaning. He could have done this kind of stuff without having to put the "boyfriend-girlfriend" label on things. But, he would smile and pretend everything was okay. Maybe he just needed time to adjust to their new relationship status. He had to get used to the idea of having a girlfriend.

After three months, he noticed Jeanette was getting antsy when they would hang out. She'd hold their glazes longer, or she'd run her hand affectionately along his arm. She seemed like she wanted to say or do something, but everything ended in a weird, deflated tension.

The day she asked if she could kiss him was the day he started feeling truly nervous about being with her. He knew this was coming, but he chose to ignore it. The thought of kissing Jeanette was unsettling. He wasn't repulsed by the idea—couples are supposed to kiss, right?

He knew there were more ways to show affection to a significant other besides kissing, but he knew Jeanette wanted the physical affection as well as the emotional. That was valid. He sometimes imagined what it would be like to kiss someone or be kissed by someone, but when he did, it wasn't with Jeanette.

Simon remembered his heart speeding up. It was just the two of them in the science classroom. He felt himself nod stiffly. Their lips met for the briefest of seconds, and when they pulled apart, Jeanette was averting her gaze but grinning ear to ear.

He was glad she was happy, but he felt like his lungs were going to collapse, or that his heart would rip from his chest. He couldn't get a hold of his emotions, and he didn't know why. It was scary.

When he looked back up, Jeanette had placed her hand on top of his.

"Can we do that again?"

Every part of his body was screaming no, but he couldn't vocalize it. He didn't know how to tell Jeanette that those two seconds their lips were together was terrifying. He couldn't tell her that his visceral reaction was to push her off and to run away.

That was the first and last time he ever made out with Jeanette Miller. His dream girl from third grade left him feeling violated and uncomfortable. It frustrated him to no end. She had done nothing wrong, yet all he wanted to do was scream at her. It was as if some primal fear had kicked in and knocked the wind out of him. He wouldn't be able to look at Jeanette the same way again.

Later that night, he called her and broke things off between them. A lot of unpleasant words were exchanged.

That was a month ago. They hadn't spoken a single word since then, which in a strange way, was fine with Simon.

Even though he had been the one to break things off, he fell into depression. He wasn't sad, but it felt as if his world had been drained of color. He didn't really have to motivation to do anything. School seemed like a chore, and socializing with friends was a hassle. He was so glad for summer to begin because he would finally be able to lay in bed for hours on end and not think.

He thought he had done a good job at hiding his slump, but Alvin had noticed his change in mood which, besides being his chuffer, his why he was dragged here.

"Some socializing will do you good." He muttered to himself. Sure, if he wanted to, he could make an effort to seem like less of a loser, but the crowd before him was almost as unappealing as kissing Jeanette.

"You DD as well?"

Simon removed his headphones and saw Maxwell slide next to him. He smiled and gave a quick nod.

Maxwell, along with his other brothers, was supposed to be his step-siblings, but Dave and Marsha never got around to resolving their issues after they called off the wedding. They were friends, but they spoke less and less to each other as time passed. Apparently, she had remarried a few years ago.

As for her sons, they ended up transferring to their middle school when the districts got rezoned and Polk Middle was merged with their school. Surprisingly, they got along quite well in their middle and high school years. Alvin and Chuck both did football and baseball together. They weren't super close, but they always acted like best friends when they hung out individually. They were probably in mutual agreement that they were friends out of convenience. Theodore and Eddy also hung out on occasions, but it was usually for school projects.

He and Maxwell were a completely different story. They were civil towards each other in middle school, but they didn't become close until last year when they were placed as lab partners. They were pretty much inseparable after freshmen year. When they weren't destroying people in bot battles, they were commiserating over their siblings or friends. And Maxwell was the only one who knew about everything that had gone down between him and Jeanette.

"I gave Alvin a one-hour time limit." Simon could barely hear himself, and he doubted Maxwell could hear him. When he motioned towards the door, Simon nodded and followed him out to the front. While they could still hear the music, it was much more muted.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Maxwell asked as they sat down on the front step.

"I said I gave Alvin a one-hour time limit." Simon glanced down at his phone. "He's got 43 minutes left."

Maxwell laughed and then smiled.

"I should have given Chuck a time limit, but I figured we'd get out of here quicker if I gave him a drinking limit."

"Oh?"

"I've spent too many nights dealing with his drunk ass, and then dealing with the repercussions of his hangovers. I told him he was walking home if he had more than three drinks."

Simon shook his head and playfully rolled his eyes. He had also dealt with a drunk and hungover Alvin, but surprisingly, he didn't drink much at parties. He was usually there to make a scene and then leave. Maybe it was the academic probation that had him scared stiff, but he was still proud of Alvin for doing at least one responsible thing.

"How are you going to know he didn't have more?"

Maxwell reached into his pocket and pulled out a small breathalyzer.

"Despite his binge drinking, Chuck's still a lightweight. His BAC is usually over .08 if he's had more than three drinks."

"Amazing."

The conversation drew to a natural pause, and they were lulled into a comfortable silence. He wasn't even phased when Maxwell casually let their fingers graze each other and then rest on his.

Everything about Maxwell was comfortable. Unlike with Jeanette, he never felt uneasy about being along with him. He wasn't afraid of silences. And he wasn't afraid of Maxwell making a move on him. In fact, it was quite the opposite. If someone were to kiss him, he wanted it to be Maxwell. It didn't really make a lot of sense in his head, and he wasn't going to willingly vocalize that thought, but it was always in the back of his mind.

"Did you hear that Henry's trying to make a move on Jeanette?"

Henry was one of their friends that they sat with during lunch. He was a good friend, but he was more or less a "backup friend." It wasn't that he had anything against him, but he was sometimes too intense for Simon. He loved math as much as the next guy, but he wasn't going around preaching the words of the Holy AP Calculus Textbook every day after class.

"No." He continued to stare at the night sky over washed with light pollution. "She hasn't spoken to me since I broke up with her."

"Ah…" He paused. "Does it make you uncomfortable that he's going after her?"

"Not really." Simon looked down and glanced at their hands, which had now become laced together.

' _When did that happen?'_

"You pretty much know I had a panic attack after we made out. And Henry's not a bad guy. She deserves someone better than me."

There was another break in conversation, and Simon caught himself looking at their hands again. He felt his face suddenly flush when his heart started beating in his eardrums. It was the same feeling he had with Jeanette, but this time, the adrenaline wasn't unwanted. He felt his whole-body tense at the realization. Was it really because he was a he?

"Awe, give yourself more credit than that; you're pretty great." Maxwell closed his eyes, and Simon caught the soft smile that grazed his lips.

He couldn't speak. Was that a compliment? Was he flirting with him? Maybe it only felt like he was flirting with him because he wanted him to like him back. Did Maxwell even like him like that? He had never really shown interest in anyone…it was possible, right?

"So are you." Simon mumbled, but the fear kicked in, and he added a tagline. "I'm surprised a girl hasn't asked you out yet."

"Mm, I don't swing that way." Maxwell made direct eye contact with him, and Simon felt all the air leave his lungs.

"Uh…"

"I thought I liked girls, but then there was this one boy that changed everything."

"Oh…"

"And I wasn't going to say anything to him because I didn't know if he also liked boys."

' _Oh my god, is he leaning in?'_

"But I'm pretty confident I knew the answer now."

' _Should I lean in?'_

"And if it's okay with him, I'd like to kiss him."

Their foreheads were pressed against each other, and Simon could felt Maxwell's warm breath on his upper lip. Simon closed his eyes.

"He'd like to kiss you too."

Simon felt Maxwell close the distance between their lips. He brought a hand up and cupped his hand around his cheek. His fingers danced around his hair, and Simon pushed firmer into Maxwell's lips.

This is what it felt like to kiss someone you were attracted to. He didn't feel sick or like hiding. He wanted more of this. He wanted that contact that everyone else inside had. He wanted him. And it was terrifying in the most amazing way.

When they broke apart, Simon let out a nervous chuckle, which turned into giggly sobs. He felt Maxwell gently brush away a tear as it rolled down his face, which only made more fall.

"Simon?" Maxwell kept his hand cupped against Simon's face and used his thumb to sweep away to cascading tears.

"I'm sorry…I just…it all makes sense now." He let out a hiccup. "I…I'm so happy."

Maxwell finally allowed his body to relax and let out his own nervous laugh. He brought his lips to Simon's forehead and gave him a gentle peck.

"I'm happy too."


End file.
